As my boyfriend and I sat at the bar having a drink, I gazed up at the clock – 1:15.
“I should get to the airport…I need to be there at least an hour early.” I paused for a moment, looking up at the clock again. “But I don’t remember what time it leaves!”
To be honest, I wasn’t even sure where I was heading. All I knew was that my three month visa in New Zealand was up and I had to move on…again. How many times had this happened? At least ten, if not more, over the past two and a half years. My bags were packed and I was ready…but for what?
A loud, annoying digital tune blared in my ear and cast a soft blue light in the room. That’s when I realized I was still in New Zealand and I was no longer stressing over going to the airport. He reached up to turn off the alarm and a smile came over my face. I was in an uncertain place at the moment. Immigration has my passport and I’m waiting to hear if they will extend my visitor’s visa for at least another nine months. I’ve been dreaming about being in different countries, packing my bags and getting on airplanes for the past few weeks now. It’s become ingrained in me now…move to a different country every few months. My body has gotten used to it, so it’s no surprise these anxiety dreams spring forth with only 10 days left on my tourist visa.
It feels strange to possibly be settling down after all of this time of running around without any kind of plan set forth. I feel the need to accomplish something big and to take advantage of the time I have in one place. After years of not having a strategy for much of anything, a different weight is now put upon me. I don’t doubt that I’ll find that “thing” I need to do, but for now, I’m still living in the moment. Another misguided step for me since I don’t have a backup plan if the visa is not approved. I’ll take that to mean I’m thinking optimistically for once. Oh well, I’m used to last minute planning but I really should get started.
What was that you said? I’m a procrastinator? Oh yeah? Just wait…